In my own words

I am mother.

I am nature itself.

I am miraculous...

and I am tired.

I haven't posted much lately (... one handed typing stinks)

My sister posted about it but I thought I should tell Benjamin's birth story in my own words. For my own records if nothing else.

It's a long post, and slightly verbally graphic, don't feel obligated to read it. Here goes.

I posted earlier that I was looking forward to the full moon. Aug 7th. And the moon and the stars aligned for me... in a way.

My sister Susan and my Mother-in-law drove up to help for the birth and they arrived on the 6th about 7 pm. They drove non-stop, all day. They got here so fast I wondered two things...What was their average speed? And did they have ANY potty breaks!?!?

The next morning we packed a lunch and headed off to the Bellevue Botanical Gardens, we ate, then walked, and walked, and walked....ANNNNNNNND walked!

Yes indeed, I was feeling pioneer children-ish. But the gardens were beautiful and very peaceful and we all enjoyed it. Sans handcarts.

I was having some contractions but not much and not strong, a regular day for me mostly.

That night we went to Nick G's birthday party.

Complete with cake, ice cream and a couple opera singers, ...with their concert pianist accompaniment. Pretty typical. We heard a few Joe Green pieces and I even played the baby grand piano for Eva and Arden as they sang 'their' song together. Typical? Well actually it was pretty amazing really! It was a memorable night by itself.

I had been having more and more contractions as the night went on, around 5 to 6 an hour. But they were very irregular and not very strong. We went home around 11 pm and I went to bed. I was awakened at 2 am by a contraction and I laid in bed gauging them for about an hour. Then I got up and took a bath seeing if it would calm things down. (incidentally I have taken a bath with every one of my labors... seeing if they would calm things down.) Well contractions continued though varied and not that strong. At about 4:30 I thought... I'll wait till 5 then call the midwife. I had a house full of sleeping people and KIDS I didn't want to wake and drag out of bed and to the birth center if it wasn't real. (Yes, we are weirdo's and have our children at the births.) At 5 I called my WONDERFUL Midwife Valerie and said we'd be at the birth center around 5:45 - 6:00am. I woke Dan and we decided to say a prayer before we roused the house.

The prayer ended with me yelling... "We gotta go NOW!" Halfway through the prayer something drastically changed. The contractions went from being completely tolerable to "OH MI GOSH THAT HURTS!!!!!" in a matter of seconds. And they went from 7 -15-10-20 mins apart to 2-3 mins apart. I called Val back and said "We're coming in as fast as we can!!" Dan started running around grabbing things and waking people up. Claire ended up waking Mom and Susan. The kids were stuffed in the car, I was wracking my brain for things I needed to bring. (Didn't do too well, we forgot the baby's car seat among other things.) Susan jumped in the back seat to be with me as I was having back labor :( !!! We drove out of the driveway with Mom Felt following in her Van. I was so thankful for Susan who massaged my back as the contractions came.

I told Dan not to wait at the red lights and somewhere on route we lost Mom Felt. Claire started telling Dan he was gonna get in trouble but she backed off when we told her if we didn't run the lights the baby would be born in the car.

The trip to the birth center usually takes 35-45 mins. 1o mins in I realized I was in transition...!!!....15 mins in I started feeling the unmistakable urge to push...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I started chanting "Wait baby wait,.. just wait!" And of course this whole time I'm in lotsa pain... and back labor type pain to boot. I'm shuddering just thinking about it...

Well we screeched into the birth center 5 mins after the pushing urges and I had to wait through a contraction before getting out of the car. I stepped out,... and there was something down there,... hanging out... !!!!!!!!!!!!! exclamations yet again!

I waddled as never before into the birth suite and Valerie already had the bath tub filled and in a matter of 5 second Dan had shucked my clothes off and I was stepping into the tub. There was a 6 inch bag of waters bulging out that almost burst in Dan's face as he helped me strip.

I sat down and after a few breaths the next contraction came. Finally feeling free to, boy did I PUSH! His head was out in that first contraction. Midwife did her checking and I panted and panted and waited till the next contraction. When it came, I pushed for all I was worth and baby was out,

...................................whoa......................................

the Midwife assisted me in bringing him out of the water and she laid him on my chest as I panted some more.... my only thought was:

.....................................

yeah, pretty much no thoughts at all.

Maybe my first thought was that I could feel boy parts on my arm and I announced "It's a boy! I can feel it!" Then it was just a bunch of minutes of everybody looking and smiling. I cried some. I don't remember anything of what was said, I do remember feeling disbelief that the worst was over. I called him by his name for the first time. I remember the cord still attached to us both. It looked healthy, and weird, surreal.

Benjamin cried a little. We were all glad to hear it. We all smiled. Susan had arrived right after the head was out and started snapping pictures. (Though I have not one picture of Susan herself!) The kids crowded around and all wanted to see and touch him. I held him while the Midwife clamped his cord. Then Claire got to cut the cord. A small recompense for Benjamin not being a girl.

I did a bunch of holding him close then I passed him off to Daddy and the Midwife helped with the afterbirth. That's usually when the bleeding starts for me, and this time was no different.

I got up and they assisted me to the bed. I was already bleeding. They had stuck me with pitocin immediately after Ben was born to help stave it off. Maybe it helped... not sure, because so much was coming. I was stuck again with pitocin, then they decided to do a pitocin drip as the blood was still flowing. Valerie was putting (a lot) of pressure on the uterus to help it clamp down. She even told us "now is the time to pray." Dan gave me a blessing. The bleeding started improving, though it took a while to be really under control. Valerie was really aggressive about getting it stopped and I was actually able to go pee without fainting (unlike last time). Every once in a while I'd hear Benjamin cry out. I was also able to nurse Ben somewhere in here. They were passing him around and he kept grimacing. And his cry was intense... piercing...

We all thought he looked like his Grandpa Grant. After I was stabilized Val started Ben's newborn check, and right away noticed something wrong with his arm. All that grimacing was for a reason. And we don't know if his crying was from pain or just regular newborn discomfort/adjusting. Val didn't know if it was broken or dislocated, but she wrapped his arm to his torso with some gauze and called Children's Hospital to notify them that we were coming to the ER. I cried a little, my beautiful baby was hurting and something was wrong...

I was very glad she had been aggressive getting my bleeding controlled because I was able to pack up and go with them to the hospital, instead of staying behind.

I rode in the car and then a wheelchair when I got there; ...but I was there.

They confirmed the break with an X-ray, right in the middle of his humerus,

and told us to immobilize it by wrapping it to his torso with an ace bandage. They said it would heal beautifully and then we scheduled a follow up appt.

It was 9:oo ish when we got there and they discharged us around 10:30am; We went straight home from the hospital and arrived at home by 11am.

Leave home @ 5am; pregnant,

arrive home @ 11am; carrying a babe in arms.

A good mornings work if I say so myself.

It was the day after a full moon;

ten days before my due date.

8-08-09

The moon and the stars aligned for me...in a way.